


heathen shit

by erasersmic



Series: heathen shit verse [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Lan Fan, Chatting & Messaging, Ed is 17, Edward Elric has ADHD, F/F, Gen, M/M, Nonbinary Alphonse Elric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, Trans Edward Elric, ed is a genius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28284141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erasersmic/pseuds/erasersmic
Summary: lawful evil enby: we’re getting you first winlawful evil enby: also, don’t give gay people the aux, they’ll play the howl’s moving castle soundtracklawful evil enby: ed is gay people
Relationships: Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Paninya/Winry Rockbell, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: heathen shit verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093232
Comments: 19
Kudos: 95





	1. the gang's all here

**Author's Note:**

> kids chat  
> ed: chaotic neutral bi  
> al: lawful evil enby  
> winry: chaotic good wlw  
> paninya: nyan cat  
> lan fan: lego ninjago  
> ling: no face  
> mei: scissorhands
> 
> teacher chat  
> mustang: arsonist  
> hawkeye: Riza Hawkeye  
> fuery: Kain Fuery  
> falman: encyclopedia  
> havoc: incel  
> breda: Heymans Breda  
> hughes: Maes Hughes  
> ed: Edward Elric

**_chaotic neutral bi_ ** _to_ **_heathen shit_ **

**chaotic neutral bi:** can’t wait to sit in a boring room of adults for two hours 🙄🙄

**lawful evil enby:** brother, im sure it won’t be that bad  
 **lawful evil enby:** wait, how are you dressed  
 **lawful evil enby:** professionally?????

**chaotic good wlw:** probably in that ugly red leather jacket

**chaotic neutral bi:** go fuck yourself  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** black jeans, black shirt, black boots

**nyan cat:** emo alert emo alert emo alert

**chaotic neutral bi:** i’m not emo!!

**lawful evil enby:** what black shirt?

**chaotic neutral bi:** idk, some button up you had

**lawful evil enby:** oh thank god

**nyan cat:** i wouldnt put it past him to show up to work in the whole fit  
 **nyan cat:** the ripped jeans, the jean vest with all his patches, the chains  
 **nyan cat:** the fucking,,,, demonia platforms

**chaotic neutral bi:** fuck you, i would never

**lawful evil enby:** you wore them to both your graduations  
 **lawful evil enby:** you also almost wore them to the court date for your emancipation

**nyan cat:** emo alert

**chaotic neutral bi:** paninya, i am going to kill you

**chaotic good wlw:** no you wont

**chaotic neutral bi:** no i wont

**nyan cat:** queen shit

**chaotic good wlw:** how does it feel to be the youngest teacher the school has ever had ed?

**nyan cat:** yea, you're gonna be our teacher, thats so weird

**chaotic neutral bi:** i'm what

**lawful evil enby:** we all uhh,,,,, may have signed up for ap enviormental science

**chaotic neutral bi:** i will strangle all of you

**chaotic good wlw:** arent you supposed to be in a meeting ed?

**chaotic neutral bi:** i’m walking in now

**lawful evil enby:** good luck brother!!

**chaotic good wlw:** dont be stupid

**nyan cat:** good luck ig 🙄🙄

\-----

**chaotic neutral bi:** THEY DIDNT BELIEVE I WAS THE NEW TEACHER  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** THE GUY IN CHARGE CALLED ME A MIDGET  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i’m kicking his ass

**lawful evil enby:** please don’t kick his ass  
 **lawful evil enby:** you won’t be able to foster me once you turn 18 if you do

**chaotic neutral bi:** i will restrain myself

**nyan cat:** five bucks says ed snaps within the first week of school

**chaotic good wlw:** 20 that its the first day

**lawful evil enby:** i say 20 that its within the first hour of the first day of school

**chaotic neutral bi:** i hate all of you  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i was added to a teacher groupchat  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** brb, gotta go call one of them an incel

**lawful evil enby:** BROTHER NO

\-----

_**Edward Elric** was added to **building 3, hall 1 + hughes**_

**Riza Hawkeye:** This is our work chat. Welcome to the hall, Edward.

**Edward Elric:** thanks

_**Edward Elric** changed **Jean Havoc** ’s name to **incel**_

**incel:** WHAT?

**Edward Elric:** idk, with all the unreciprocarted flirting you just gave off the vibe

**Roy Mustang:** You could be a little more proferssional.

**Edward Elric:** you called me a midget within 1 minute of me being here, i will do what i want

**Vato Falman:** Mustang, you accidentally set a trashcan on fire your first day at the school.

**Roy Mustang:** It was an accident.

_**Edward Elric** changed **Roy Mustang’** s name to **arsonist**_

**Edward Elric:** can’t believe the head of the math department is a criminal, how tragic

**Maes Hughes:** HELLO EDWARD!  
 **Maes Hughes:** Nice to see you’re fitting in well.

**Edward Elric:** wait weren’t you in building 1?

**Maes Hughes:** Yes! Although Roy added me one day by accident, so now I’m here.

**Edward Elric:** haha the old man doesn’t know how to use technology

**arsonist:** I’m not old, I’m barely 35

**Edward Elric:** you’re basically ancient at this point

**arsonist:** And you’re still practically a baby

**Edward Elric:** I AM NOT A BABY!!  
 **Edward Elric:** I AM AN ADULT

  
**incel:** 17 isn’t an adult, you are technincally still a kid

_**Edward Elric** renamed the groupchat to **building 3, hall 1 + plus hughes (aka hell)**_

**Maes Hughes:** Aww, we’re not that bad Ed! Anyways, look at this picture of my darling Elicia!

\-----

_**lawful evil enby** to **heathen shit**_

**lawful evil enby:** ed just came home  
 **lawful evil enby:** he was apparently “hate crimed” today

**chaotic neutral bi:** THE BASTARD WHO RUNS THE HALL CALLED ME SO SMALL I COULD BE STEWART LITTLE

**chaotic good wlw:** now i’m sure thats just not true

**nyan cat:** chill out ed, go watch hq!!

**chaotic neutral bi:** no, i’m not going to watch hq, that would be stupid

**lawful evil enby:** he is already watching it

**chaotic neutral bi:** i suddenly have no more family, i am but a lonely orphan /j

**chaotic good wlw:** you are the most dramatic motherfucker i have ever met  
 **chaotic good wlw:** n e ways, do you guys wanna go out rn  
 **chaotic good wlw:** i’m bored and have nothing to do

**nyan cat:** that would be kinda pog

**chaotic neutral bi:** next time you say pog i’m beating the shit out of you

**lawful evil enby:** brother and i will come, we can pick you guys up

**chaotic neutral bi:** why would we pick these freeloaders up?

**nyan cat:** because you care about us

**chaotic neutral bi:** we will be there to get you guys in 20 minutes

**nyan cat:** LMAO

**chaotic good wlw:** thank you ed, very cool

**lawful evil enby:** we’re getting you first win  
 **lawful evil enby:** also, don’t give gay people the aux, they’ll play the howl’s moving castle soundtrack  
 **lawful evil enby:** ed is gay people

\-----

_**chaotic neutral bi** renamed the groupchat to **kagehina supremacy**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** i’m rewatching the tokyo training camp arc and watching kagehina fight for 5 episodes is making me violently homophobic

**lawful evil enby:** they just fought over kageyama reverting to the old quick attack  
 **lawful evil enby:** brother looks like hes gonna cry about it

**chaotic neutral bi:** THEY’RE MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FRUITY VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS

**nyan cat:** FRUITY VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS LMAO

**chaotic good wlw:** no no, hes right  
 **chaotic good wlw:** but ed had no right to talk, hes just as fruity

**chaotic neutral bi:** says you

**chaotic good wlw:** yea, but i’m fruity and followed through, you, edward, are painfully single

**nyan cat:** love you win <3

**chaotic good wlw:** love you too paninya <3

**chaotic neutral bi:** i hate both of you

**lawful evil enby:** n e ways, ed and i are going to get school stuff tomorrow, do you guys want to come?

**nyan cat:** 😎😎 we will be there

**chaotic neutral bi:** i want to find professional clothes that i can wear that also scream punk  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i have a brand to keep alive  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** al always says they’re not good at the whole punk fashion thing 😔😔

**lawful evil enby:** i am but an innocent child  
 **lawful evil enby:** i have never done a single thing wrong in my entire life

**chaotic good wlw:** DBEWHFBESHFBJKRE

**chaotic neutral bi:** homophobia

**nyan cat:** no, i agree, al has never done anything wrong in the history of ever  
 **nyan cat:** ed on the other hand is evil reincarnated  
 **nyan cat:** what time did you all wanna go?

**chaotic neutral bi:** al and i were planning to go around 3  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i have to be at the school again tomorrow at 8 for another meeting

**chaotic good wlw:** what if paninya and i came over and stayed the night so we are already there tomorrow 🥺🥺  
 **chaotic good wlw:** haha…. i”m just kidding  
 **chaotic good wlw:** unless 😳😳

**chaotic neutral bi:** if you pick up pizza on the way here

**nyan cat:** done

**chaotic neutral bi:** 😎😎

**lawful evil enby:** brother and i will get the place ready

**chaotic good wlw:** okay, i’m gonna pick up paninya rn, order the pizza please love <3

**chaotic neutral bi:** AYO WE GOT A SAP IN THE GROUPCHAT 😱😱❗️❗️❗️

**chaotic good wlw:** fuck off ed


	2. a day out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic neutral bi: can someone tell me  
> chaotic neutral bi: who thought it would be a good idea to invite this random ass kid to lunch
> 
> chaotic good wlw: ed you literally pushed him into a fountain
> 
> chaotic neutral bi: it was an accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ed: chaotic neutral bi  
> al: lawful evil enby  
> winry: chaotic good wlw  
> paninya: nyan cat  
> ling: no face
> 
> mustang: arsonist  
> hawkeye: the leader  
> fuery: four eyes  
> falman: encyclopedia  
> breda: absolute chad  
> havoc: incel  
> hughes: garcia hughes stan  
> ed: shorty

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **kagehina supremacy**_

  
**chaotic neutral bi:** can someone tell me  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** who thought it would be a good idea to invite this random ass kid to lunch

**chaotic good wlw:** ed you literally pushed him into a fountain

**chaotic neutral bi:** it was an accident

**chaotic good wlw:** it was the least we could do

**lawful evil enby:** i think hes cool  
 **lawful evil enby:** we should get his number

**chaotic neutral bi:** ig he can stay

**nyan cat:** ed cares,,,,, so fucking much  
 **nyan cat:** but his emotioanlly stunted ass refuses to admit it

**chaotic neutral bi:** your days are numbered

**nyan cat:** i am looking forward to our confrontation

**chaotic good wlw:** paninya and i are going to check out some stores after this, can we separate for a little?

  
**lawful evil enby:** yes!!  
 **lawful evil enby:** go have fun on a little date together

\-----

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **lawful evil enby**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** hey, where did you go?

**lawful evil enby:** i’m in the jc penny in the mall, why?

**chaotic neutral bi:** i can’t find you and i am stuck with ling

**lawful evil enby:** i-  
 **lawful evil enby:** he’s still with you?????  
 **lawful evil enby:** why??

  
**chaotic neutral bi:** idk he just didn’t leave after lunch and followed me to the bookstore while you went to look at clothes  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i cant lose him, hes so fucking persistent

**lawful evil enby:** damn, i dont know what to tell you  
 **lawful evil enby:** sorry brother, my phone is dying  
 **lawful evil enby:** i have to go!!

  
**chaotic neutral bi:** NO ITS NOT!!  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** AL DONT DO THIS  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i cannot believe this, you are the worst sibling /j

\-----

_**lawful evil enby** added **ling yao** to **kagehina supremacy**_

**lawful evil enby:** welcome to hell, you’re stuck here forever

**chaotic good wlw:** unchararistcally pessimistic al

**lawful evil enby:** brother is about to fight some guy in this hot topic  
 **lawful evil enby:** i wanted to add ling before i forgot

**ling yao:** hello everyone

\-----

_**Maes Hughes** to **building 3, hall 1 + plus hughes (aka hell)**_

**Maes Hughes:** Hello everyone! I thought since Edward is our newest addition we could let him pick our names so he might feel more comfortable.

**arsonist:** You want the child to have control over what the names are.

**Edward Elric:** I’M NOT A CHILD YOU BASTARD

**arsonist:** Again, you are still underage.

**Edward Elric:** well i think that idea is great hughes  
 **Edward Elric:** please hold while i change some things

_**Edward Elric** renamed the groupchat to **b3h1 + hughes (aka hell)**_   
_**Edward Elric** changed **Vato Falman’** s name to **encyclopedia**_   
_**Edward Elric** changed **Heymans Breda** ’s name to **absolute chad**_   
_**Edward Elric** changed **Kain Fuery** ’s name to **four eyes**_   
_**Edward Elric** changed **Riza Hawkeye** ’s name **to the leader**_   
_**Edward Elric** changed **Maes Hughes’** name to **garcia hughes stan**_

**arsonist:** Why is Hawkeye the leader?

**Edward Elric:** shes the only one in this bitch of a chat the i respect

**the leader:** Thank you Edward. That being said, I would like to remind all of you that you need to have your lesson plans for the first week ready. We have the rest of tonight and tomorrow before the semester begins.  
riza: If you need any help on the first day you can ask one of us Ed.

**Edward Elric:** yea, yea, thanks hawkeye

_**arsonist** changed **Edward Elric** ’s name to **shorty**_

**shorty:** IM NOT SHORT

**arsonist:** You’re like 5’2, thats very short Ed

**shorty:** ALRIGHT, THATS IT, IM KICKING YOUR ASS ON MONDAY

**the leader:** Mustang, if you could not go back and forth with the child it would be appreciated.

**shorty:** 😡😡

**the leader:** Our resident doctor.

**shorty:** the only one of you i respect

**garcia hughes stan:** Now, that that’s out of the way, my wife’s birthday is in three weeks and I am inviting all of you to come. We’re going out to a restaurant downtown, I need to know all who’s going so I can make the reservation.

**the leader:** Roy and I will be there. Just let us know the time.

**incel:** I might have a date, I’m not sure.

**shorty:** yea, sure you do  
 **shorty:** refer back to your name

**four eyes:** Ill be there

**encyclopedia:** me too

**absolute chad:** How are we dressing?

**garcia hughes stan:** Just dress decently, its not too formal.  
 **garcia hughes stan:** What about you, Ed?

**shorty:** idk, i have to ask if my friends want to stay with my brother for the night then  
 **shorty:** they’re not a fan of staying home alone

**garcia hughes stan:** You can invite him along if you want! The more the merrier. Jean once brought a date to Roy’s 30th birthday and it ended in an entire bar fighter. I’m sure bringing your brother would be fine.

**shorty:** a bar fight???

**incel:** Please, can we not bring this up.

**absolute chad:** There’s a video

**shorty:** i am fucking begging you to send it 

**incel:** Breda, don’t do this to me, please  
 **incel:** If you do, I’ll send the graduation party video

**absolute chad:** Sorry kid, I can’t send the video

**shorty:** fuck all of you (riza hawkeye dni)

**the leader:** Dni?

**shorty:** do not interact, it means what i’m saying isn’t about you

**the leader:** Ah, I see.

**shorty:** i will get those videos one day

**incel:** I’d like to see you try

**four eyes:** Hmm

**incel:** Fuery please

**four eyes:** I won’t  
 **four eyes:** for now

**arsonist:** Ed has brought an unmeasurable about of chaos to the team and this groupchat

**shorty:** hell yea i did

**garcia hughes stan:** Alright, its getting late. I have to put Elicia to bed and the rest of you should start to get ready as well!!

\-----

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **kagehina supremacy**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** i need a favor

**chaotic good wlw:** what’s up shawty?

**chaotic neutral bi:** IM NOT SHORT!! FUCK YOU!!

**lawful evil enby:** what do you need brother?

**chaotic neutral bi:** can you guys, like, pretend you don’t know me on the first day of school  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i mean, al can’t, but just ya know  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** don’t act like we normally would

**chaotic good wlw:** how come?

**chaotic neutral bi:** winry, i am 17 and teaching highschool, people aren’t exactly gonna respect me

**nyan cat:** if they don’t i’ll beat the shit out of them 😡😡

**chaotic neutral bi:** just, can y’all please just act like you would with any other teacher

**nyan cat:** y’all  
 **nyan cat:** but yea, jokes aside, we can do that

**chaotic good wlw:** ig 🙄🙄  
 **chaotic good wlw:** might have to fuck around and behave to APES

**lawful evil enby:** what about me brother? i mean, we have the same last name and all

**chaotic neutral bi:** you’re fine al, i don’t mind them knowing we’re related  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** that being said, if anyone tries some shit with you al i will be beating this shit out of them

**lawful evil enby:** again, that cannot go on your record

**chaotic neutral bi:** i will restrain myself i suppose 🙄🙄

**ling yao:** wAIT YOU'RE A TEACHER AT 17???

**chaotic good wlw:** ed is a genuis, he has a phd

**lawful evil enby:** please hold

_**lawful evil enby** changed **ling yao** 's name to **no face**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** i graduated in in may and they needed a teacher

**no face:** i too am a genuis!!

**chaotic neutral bi:** oh shit?  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** have you graduated college yet?

**no face:** no, i'm in my last year now, i'm probably gonna finish in december

**chaotic neutral bi:** fucking loser

**nyan cat:** i-

**chaotic good wlw:** ed, please don't insult him, he's new

**chaotic neutral bi:** i can do whatever i want actually

**chaotic good wlw:** ed shut the fuck up challenge

**no face:** failed 🙄🙄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay, lan fan will be introduced next and then mei. i can't decide if i want al and mei to date or not but oh well. the first one shot i make for this will be the day out they had where they meet ling and the second one will be the first day of school.


	3. ayo, first day of school check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic neutral bi: this is the bad place  
> chaotic neutral bi: i’m so fucking tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i dont proof read the texts because i feel lie any spelling mistakes fit because its texting

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **kagehina supremacy**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** this is the bad place  
**chaotic neutral bi:** i’m so fucking tired

 **lawful evil enby:** brother, you’re going to wake the rest of them up, we’re only up because you have to be to school early

 **chaotic neutral bi:** don’t fucking remind me

 **chaotic good wlw:** i’m actually up already, i usually am on the first day  
**chaotic good wlw:** ed, can i get a ride to school 🥺🥺👉👈

 **chaotic neutral bi:** buy me an energy drink

 **chaotic good wlw:** done

 **lawful evil enby:** you couldn’t just do her a favor??

 **chaotic neutral bi:** normally i would but i am too tired for this

 **nyan cat:** thanks for waking me up 30 minutes early

 **chaotic neutral bi:** mute your phone before going to bed then

 **nyan cat:** no ❤️  
**nyan cat:** ed  
**nyan cat:** i need a favor

 **chaotic neutral bi:** absolutely not

 **nyan cat:** i will get you breakfast

 **chaotic neutral bi:** we’ll be there at 6

 **nyan cat:** LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO

\-----

_**shorty** to **b3h1 + hughes (aka hell)**_

**shorty:** i am giving three people a ride this morning  
**shorty:** are they allowed to wait in my room while we’re in the meeting

 **garcia hughes stan:** That should be fine as long as they behave in there!

 **shorty:** epic 

**garcia hughes stan:** Who all are you bringing?

 **shorty:** my sibling, my childhood best friend winry, and her girlfriend paninya

 **garcia hughes stan:** Tell them no canoodling!

 **shorty:** 🤢🤢🤮🤮

 **the leader:** Roy and I are picking up coffee, would anyone like anything?

 **encyclopedia:** Just a black coffee

 **four eyes:** You know how I like my coffee Hawkeye

 **absolute chad:** Havoc and I are good, we already got some

 **shorty:** if you’re at a gas station can you get me an energy drink??

 **the leader:** Okay Ed.

 **the leader:** Don’t forget that everyone from hall one has a meeting this morning at 6:45. The first bell rings at 8.

\-----

l _ **awful evil enby** to **kagehina supremacy**_

 **lawful evil enby:** paninya, we are on our way over

 **chaotic good wlw:** eds driving terrifies me  
**chaotic good wlw:** he’s a child prodigy, a literal genius, and he can’t even drive well  
**chaotic good wlw:** he gets distracted every five seconds

 **nyan cat:** i am ready whenever you get here 😎😎  
**nyan cat:** not to be gay or anything but i made ed a kandi bracelet for good luck 🙄🙄  
**nyan cat:** its red and gold and says pissboy

 **lawful evil enby:** i’m sure he’ll appreciate it  
**lawful evil enby:** he won’t admit it but he’s nervous

 **chaotic good wlw:** i can tell  
**chaotic good wlw:** he keeps tapping on the steering wheel and keeps messing with the ring on his neck

 **no face:** why does man’s got a ring on his neck

 **lawful evil enby:** it was our moms  
**lawful evil enby:** why are you up? aren’t you in college

 **no face:** i unfortunately have a 7am class  
**no face:** its an astronomy class

 **chaotic good wlw:** oh shit? what are you studying

 **no face:** i’m doubling majoring in astronomy and international relations & affairs

 **chaotic neutral bi:** fucking loser, international relations  
**chaotic neutral bi:** paninya, i’m here

 **nyan cat:** i’m omw out now folks

 **no face:** oh yea? what did you major in ed?

 **chaotic neutral bi:** i have a bachelors in astronomy and oceanography and my phd is in environmental science

 **no face:** i-  
**no face:** you like astronomy too???

 **chaotic neutral bi:** yea, its sick as fuck  
**chaotic neutral bi:** i’ve loved it since i was a kid

 **lawful evil enby:** unfortunately, you and my brother have to stop being nerds  
**lawful evil enby:** he’s driving again and at this rate we’re gonna be late to school

 **no face:** what fucking time do you all start? its 6:20

 **nyan cat:** school starts at 8 but ed is a teacher so he has to be there at 6:45 for a meeting

 **no face:** thats lame  
**no face:** tell ed he’s lame

 **chaotic good wlw:** ed said fuck you

 **no face:** i mean  
**no face:** if he really wants to

 **lawful evil enby:** ALRIGHT WE’RE DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION  
**lawful evil enby:** I ABSOLUTELY DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANY OF THIS

 **no face:** alright, i’m done ig 🙄🙄

\-----

_**arsonist** to **b3h1 + hughes (aka hell)**_

**arsonist:** Edward  
**arsonist:** It is 6:43, are you almost here

 **shorty:** hello! i’m his sibling, al. we’re almost to the school now!

 **the leader:** Eta?

 **shorty:** we’re around the corner from the school now. i’m pretty sure brother is breaking multiple traffic laws right now.  
**shorty:** i’m parked, i am entering the school right now  
**shorty:** please hold while i put these three in my room

 **the leader:** If you could hurry please Ed.

 **shorty:** i am running

\-----

_**chaotic good wlw** renamed the groupchat to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**chaotic good wlw:** paninya is literally so hot, oh my fucking god

 **nyan cat:** says you

 **no face:** how do you know i’m not straight??

 **chaotic neutral bi:** if you we’re i would kick you out, i hate straight people 🙄🙄 /j

 **no face:** aren’t you in a meeting

 **chaotic neutral bi:** and what about it?

 **no face:** maybe pay attention

 **chaotic neutral bi:** and what are you gonna do if i don’t?

 **lawful evil enby:** please  
**lawful evil enby:** i am begging you two to stop flirting in the groupchat

 **chaotic neutral bi:** we’re not flirting 😡😡

 **no face:** 🙄🙄

 **chaotic good wlw:** ed pay attention in the meeting or i’m beating the shit out of you when you get back

 **no face:** yo  
**no face:** wait my best friend has ed as her teacher

 **chaotic good wlw:** oh shit? wait period??

 **no face:** her names lan fan, she has APES 4th period

 **nyan cat:** OH SHIT, US TOO  
**nyan cat:** ADD HER TO THE CHAT

_**no face** added **lan fan** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**lan fan:** damn, it took them three days to figure you out ling

 **no face:** fuck off

 **nyan cat:** LMAOOOO  
**nyan cat:** ed and ling have been flirting nonstop since they met

 **chaotic neutral bi:** no we have not

 **chaotic good wlw:** 🔪🔪 omw to beat the shit out of ed

 **chaotic neutral bi:** the meeting ended, get off my dick  
**chaotic neutral bi:** i’m coming back to the classroom now then i have to set my shit up

 **lawful evil enby:** i gotta say brother, this classroom is really lacking  
**lawful evil enby:** very boring, 2/10

 **lan fan:** what are the two points for

 **lawful evil enby:** ed has a picture of the four of us and then me, him, and mom on his desk

 **no face:** sap

 **chaotic neutral bi:** i will be murdering ling when i see him next

 **lan fan:** you will not

 **chaotic neutral bi:** and what’re you gonna do to stop me

 **lan fan:** i am literally a trained ninja

 **chaotic neutral bi:** YOU’RE WHAT???

 **lan fan:** yea, when i was really young i said i wanted to be a ninja and then did it

 **no face:** okay okay, i have to ask, why no face??

 **lawful evil enby:** you eat a lot, no face eats a lot  
**lawful evil enby:** easy math

 **no face:** who is no face though

 **nyan cat:** you…  
**nyan cat:** you don’t know who no face is

 **lan fan:** sorry ling, we are no longer friends

 **lawful evil enby:** no face is a character in spirited away, a studio ghibli movie

 **no face:** never seen it

 **chaotic neutral bi:** and yet another reason ling is lame as fuck

 **chaotic good wlw** : wait wait wait  
**chaotic good wlw:** idea  
**chaotic good wlw:** studio ghibli marathon??

 **nyan cat:** you’re literally a genuis win  
**nyan cat:** this is why i love you

 **lawful evil enby:** our place, friday night, 5pm 😎😎  
**lawful evil enby:** be there or be square


	4. ed is a literal disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lawful evil enby: i’m cancelling ed  
> lawful evil enby: i just opened the fridge and he did get me carls jr
> 
> chaotic neutral bi: i knew you would get out of bed faster if you thought you had to make breakfast
> 
> lawful evil enby: war criminal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ed: chaotic neutral bi/shorty  
> al: lawful evil enby/uwu  
> winry: chaotic good wlw/gearhead  
> paninya: nyan cat/loml  
> ling: no face  
> lan fan: lego ninjago/fanny pack  
> mei: #1 ling yao stan  
> mustang: arsonist  
> hawkeye: the leader  
> fuery: foureyes  
> falman: encyclopedia  
> breda: absolute chad  
> havoc: incel  
> hughes: garcia hughes stan

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **gay bastards anonymous**_   
_**chaotic neutral bi** changed **lan fan’** s name to **lego ninjago**_

**nyan cat:** what the fuck are you doing up ed?

**chaotic neutral bi:** i could say the same for you, paninya  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** phantom pain woke me up

**nyan cat:** 😳😳 omg twins  
 **nyan cat:** wait what if we went and got food together, carls jr is 24 hours   
**nyan cat:** haha i’m just kidding 🙄🙄  
 **nyan cat:** unless… 😳😳😳

**chaotic neutral bi:** i am on my way  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** be ready

\-----

_**lawful evil enby** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**lawful evil enby:** i-  
 **lawful evil enby:** brother did you get me anything 🥺🥺

**chaotic neutral bi:** you could just go open the fridge and check

**lawful evil enby:** i don’t wanna get out of bed

**chaotic neutral enby:** no, i didn’t get you anything

**lawful evil enby:** this is the bad place

**chaotic good wlw:** ed, are you giving paninya and i a ride to school again??  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** yea, its on the way

**lawful evil enby:** i’m cancelling ed  
 **lawful evil enby:** i just opened the fridge and he did get me carls jr

**chaotic neutral bi:** i knew you would get out of bed faster if you thought you had to make breakfast

**lawful evil enby:** war criminal

**nyan cat:** winry i also got you something last night <3

**chaotic good wlw:** wait really???

**nyan cat:** no, i’m fucking with you  
 **nyan cat:** yes, it’ll be warmed up once you guys get here

**no face:** you guys eat warmed up fast food 🤢🤢🤮🤮

**lego ninjago:** i once saw you eat a jack in the box taco out of the trash once

**chaotic neutral bi:** FUCKING WHAT DUDE???

**no face:** it was one time!!

**lego ninjago:** it was three

**nyan cat:** GNHGHESIUFHEIHEORRE  
 **nyan cat:** lan fan woke up today and chose violence

**chaotic neutral bi:** WAIT EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCGREBUIGQHIG4

**chaotic good wlw:** ???

**lawful evil enby:** BROTHER I WILL KILL YOU

**chaotic neutral bi:** AL IS TEXTING A GIRL  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** THE EXTRA GIRL AT YOUR GUYS TABLE IN APES

**chaotic good wlw:** YOU’RE WHAT AL???

  
**lawful evil enby:** ITS NOT LIKE THAT  
 **lawful evil enby:** GUYS I PRMOSE GJREHSGJRGI

**chaotic neutral bi:** HES BLUSHING OH MY FUCKING GOD  
 **chaotic netural bi:** MY LITTLE SIBLING HAS A CRUSH

**no face:** who’s the girl

**lego ninjago:** mei

**no face:** CHANG???

**lawful evil enby:** look, i don’t have a crush, she just happens to be a friend i made  
 **lawful evil enby:** none of you actually talk to her  
 **lawful evil enby:** so i decided to, ling you know her??

**no face:** 😡😡😡

**lego ninjago:** lings parents own a really big company, mei’s own the competing one

**chaotic neutral bi:** ling you’re rich

**no face:** yea, pretty popular too, being the son of a super rich CEO will do that

**chaotic neutral bi:** so you’re really fucking rich  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** and you ate food out of a trash can instead of just buying it

**no face:** well, idk  
 **no face:** it was just there

**chaotic good wlw:** i-

**lego ninjago:** he’s always been like this

\-----

_**four eyes** to **b3h1 + hughes (aka hell)**_

**four eyes:** I just walked into ask ed something during lunch and he is crying at his desk

**shorty:** I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY ANYTHING

**garcia hughes stan:** Are you okay, Ed? I know working with high schoolers can be hard, especially when most of them are bigger then you.

**shorty:** I’M NOT SHORT

**arsonist:** The name says otherwise

**shorty:** i’m fine, i was watching a show

**the leader:** If you’re sure Ed.

**shorty:** i’m sure

\-----

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** i am quitting and moving away  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i have to change my name and leave

**lego ninjago:** what happened?

**chaotic neutral bi:** i was going over an assignment for class tomorrow  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** and i was watching haikyuu at the same time

**chaotic good wlw:** RGNDJSGBERS WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT  
 **chaotic good wlw:** YOU PLAYED YOURSELF ELRIC

**nyan cat:** what episode???

**chaotic neutral bi:** s3e4

**nyan cat:** FNREGSERJGREGIHERSOL

**chaotic neutral bi:** n e ways  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** so tsukishima gets the block and i am literally sobbing in my classroom  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** AND FUERY WALKS IN

**lawful evil enby:** i-  
 **lawful evil enby:** brother, you know hq always gets you  
 **lawful evil enby:** why would you watch that in school

**chaotic neutral bi:** I THOUGHT I COULD WATCH IT WITHOUT CRYING

**no face:** wait whats haikyuu???

**lego ninjago:** 🙄🙄😔😔

**chaotic neutral bi:** YOU’VE NEVER SEEN HAIKYUU?????  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** THIS WEEKEND, STAY AGAIN ON SATURDAY  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** WE CAN WATCH IT

**chaotic good wlw:** i-  
 **chaotic good wlw:** oh my fucking god

**no face:** uhh sure??  
 **no face:** is it really that good??

**chaotic neutral bi:** YES

**lawful evil enby:** alright, class is starting folks, time to pay attention

\-----

_**winry rockbell** created the groupchat **edling supremacy**_   
_**winry rockbell** added **alphonse elric, paninya, lan fan, and mei chang** to **edling supremacy**_   
_**winry rockbell** changed **alphonse elric** ’s name to **uwu**_   
_**winry rockbell** changed **winry rockbell’** s name to **gearhead**_   
_**winry rockbell** changed **paninya** ’s name to **loml**_   
_**winry rockbell** changed **lan fan** ’s name to **fanny pack**_   
_**winry rockbell** changed **mei chang** ’s name to **#1 ling yao stan**_

**gearhead:** okay guys  
 **gearhead:** i like to think i know ed pretty well

**loml:** yes, and?

**gearhead:** ed would literally never just invite someone over like that  
 **gearhead:** yea, he would tell ling to watch haikyuu  
 **gearhead:** but ed doesn’t exactly like to make friends

**#1 ling yao stan:** 😡😡fuck ling yao  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** i don’t even know ed?? he’s just my teacher

**gearhead:** but you know ling, so does lan fan  
 **gearhead:** has ling been acting differently towards brother

**fanny pack:** well, ling was flirting a lot

**#1 ling yao stan:** doesn’t he flirt with everyone though??

**fanny pack:** yea, ling is kinda a flirt  
 **fanny pack:** its gotten him into a few bad situations

**gearhead:** well, besides that  
 **gearhead:** i think ed is starting to like ling

**loml:** i kinda believe her  
 **loml:** not just because shes winry  
 **loml:** ed didn’t avidly start including me in his plans for a really long time and it took him even longer to ask me to hang out with him alone

**fanny pack:** al, do you have any thoughts? he is your brother

**uwu:** i don’t really wanna get involved because this could get gross, fast and like 🤢🤢🤮🤮  
 **uwu:** that being said, the two of them have been texting

**gearhead:** WHAT??

**uwu:** after ed saw that he liked astronomy too they started texting about it  
 **uwu:** then that turned into talking about going to college super young  
 **uwu:** fuck

**#1 ling yao stan:** whats up al??

**uwu:** ed said they were gonna facetime tonight

**gearhead:** i-  
 **gearhead:** i don’t think ed relaizies 

**#1 ling yao stan:** wym??

**uwu:** brother probably is trying to keep the two of them bickering, hes not a fan of change  
 **uwu:** even in relationships  
 **uwu:** so uhh he probably thinks he just thinks ling is okay

**fanny pack:** i can try to get information out of ling  
 **fanny pack:** he’s not one to hide these types of things

**gearhead:** friday is gonna be a long day 🙄🙄

**uwu:** how do you think i feel, i’m gonna have to deal with them saturday and sunday too  
 **uwu:** oh!!  
 **uwu:** mei, do you wanna come on friday too

**#1 ling yao stan:** come where

**uwu:** we’re having a movie night at my house  
 **uwu:** studio ghibli movies specifically 

**#1 ling yao stan:** yea, sure, i’ll come

**uwu:** 😎😎😎

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might fuck around and speed run some one shots, that way the timeline for this and the one shots line up and i dont get too behind on them


	5. mei chang adds some flavor to the group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no face: 🤢🤢🤮🤮  
> no face: wtf are you doing here
> 
> mei chang: i’m friends with al  
> mei chang: fuck you yao
> 
> no face: no thank you

_**lawful evil enby** added **mei chang** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**no face:** 🤢🤢🤮🤮  
 **no face:** wtf are you doing here

 **mei chang:** i’m friends with al  
 **mei chang:** fuck you yao

 **no face:** no thank you

_**lawful evil enby** changed **mei chang’** s name to **scissorhands**_

**chaotic good wlw:** ???

 **lawful evil enby:** she keeps like five knives in her school bag

 **chaotic neutral bi:** 🤨🤨🤨 interesting

 **scissorhands:** wait wait, who is everyone

 **chaotic good wlw:** winry!

 **nyan cat:** paninya 😎😎

 **lawful evil enby:** al

 **no face:** ling 🙄🙄

 **lego ninjago:** lan fan

 **chaotic neutral bi:** you have one guess

 **scissorhands:** fuck

 **chaotic neutral bi:** i actually do not care, just don’t stab someone  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** i carry a knife concealed on me

 **chaotic good wlw:** YOU WHAT?????  
 **chaotic good wlw:** THATS ILLEGAL

 **chaotic neutral bi:** i once watched you get caught taking a hit in public, make eye contact with a cop, and then fucking high tail it

 **chaotic good wlw:** 😴😴😴😴😴

 **nyan cat:** YOU WHAT GIRTHGIURHGISRELGHSER

 **scissorhands:** please drop the story time

 **no face:** yea, i gotta hear this shit

 **chaotic neutral bi:** okay so, four years ago, win and i are 13, al is 12  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** so winry and i had just started smoking because of someone we knew at the time and we had a pen  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** and so the 3 of us are sitting outside of burger king and eating (al did not smoke at the time) and win and i were a little zooted and she takes out the pen to do a sneaky hit

 **nyan cat:** gotta say, bad move

 **chaotic good wlw:** please i was 13

 **chaotic neutral bi:** she takes the hit, blows out, goes to take a drink, looks up and makes eye contact with a cop  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** so winry just fucking books it and theres only one cop so he chases her and tells al and i to stay there  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** we do not  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** so al and i get the food and follow after the dude and kinda keep our distance  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** turns out there was nothing to worry about because winry managed to lose him in the mall

 **chaotic good wlw:** i hid in the vent i found in a changing room in the jc pennys

 **lego ninjago:** how did you get in the vent?

 **chaotic good wlw:** i had a screwdriver on me and had enough distance to have time to unscrew the vent and used the sitting place to get that high

 **no face:** i gotta say, i feel like y’all have been up to some shit in your time

 **lan fan:** like you haven’t?

 **lawful evil enby:** oh? whats this?

 **lego ninjago:** one time, he had me help him break into the offices for the changs company  
 **lego ninjago:** we replaced all of their pens with dried out ones

 **scissorhands:** yea, my dad was pissed afterwards  
 **scissorhands:** i gotta say, not a fan of ling, but even less of a fan of my dad so like  
 **scissorhands:** that shit was funny as hell

 **no face:** LMAOO I REMEBER THAT SHIT GJFHGKSJHGHRKSGHIKVERW

 **scissorhands:** one time he got caught stealing food out of our pantries at a joint family dinner

 **nyan cat:** because of course he did

 **lego ninjago:** yes, he was significantly less shameful about it then most would be

 **no face:** i simply do not care what others think of me

\-----

 _ **lan fan** created the groupchat **lets talk**_  
 **lan fan** added **mei chang** and **ling yao** to **lets talk**

 **mei chang:** lame

_**mei chang** renamed the groupchat to **i hate gay people**_   
_**mei chang** changed **ling yao** ’s name to **absolute shithead**_   
_**mei chang** changed **mei chang** ’s name to **queen**_   
_**queen** changed **lan fan** ’s name to **voice of reason**_

**absolute shithead:** what the fuck is this?  
 **absolute shithead:** why am i in a groupchat with mei

 **voice of reason:** ling, do you have a crush on ed?

 **queen:** right to the chase lmao gihrthdgkbvfhrtjghd

 **absolute shithead:** fucKING WHAT?????

 **voice of reason:** mhm  
 **voice of reason:** so you flirt with him for fun?

 **absolute shithead:** well, i mean  
 **absolute shithead:** yea  
 **absolute shithead:** i always flirt with people  
 **absolute shithead:** plus, he flirts back, so its like 10x more fun

 **voice of reason:** and you smile at your phone when he texts because?

 **absolute shithead:** BECAUSE HE LIKES THE SAME THINGS AS ME!!  
 **absolute shithead:** CAN’T I JUST HAVE FRIENDS!!!!!

 **queen:** no, you can’t  
 **queen:** you’re either an asshole or in love with someone

 **absolute shithead:** i hate it here

\-----

_**#1 ling yao stan** to **edling supremacy**_

**#1 ling yao stan:** bad news  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** i don’t think ling likes ed

 **fanny pack:** i disagree, yes he flirts with everyone, but it just feels different  
 **fanny pack:** plus, i’ve been watching him, he smiles when he texts ed  
 **fanny pack:** i swear he was blushing the other day

 **uwu:** we need a plan  
 **uwu:** also if ling hurts my brother no one will find his body 🙂🙂🙂

 **gearhead:** seconded

 **fanny pack:** that will not happen  
 **fanny pack:** plus, ling would never hurt him like that on purpose, ling can be a little mean sometimes as a joke but he would never lead ed on  
 **fanny pack:** not on purpose at least

 **uwu:** i will be watching him

 **loml:** where do we even start with a plan like this  
 **loml:** last time we tried to get ed a date it ended with almost arson

 **#1 ling yao stan:** i like how you guys do things around here

 **gearhead:** FBERSJIGBAERUIGAW I FORGOT ABOUT THAT  
 **gearhead:** n e ways though, we can learn from our mistakes

 **loml:** well, saturday ling is meant to stay again  
 **loml:** we could always have al come over and disguise it as studying  
 **loml:** that way they would be completely alone

 **uwu:** that would work, but i don’t think much would happen  
 **uwu:** they’ve only know each other almost a week now, saturday will be a week  
 **uwu:** brother won’t even admit he likes him as a friend until at least a month later

 **fanny pack:** i

 **gearhead:** yea, ed’s not really good at the whole emotional compitence thing  
 **gearhead:** when we were really young, like 7  
 **gearhead:** he told me he liked me through some weird science metaphor i didn’t get then ran off before i could fully respond

 **uwu:** FHEIRUFGHKSEJGE YE A I REMEMBER THAT  
 **uwu:** I WAS LOSIUGN IT WHEN HE CAME HOME

 **loml:** the one on one, in person bonding would be good though  
 **loml:** FNRJGHWLHIORE LAN FAN

 **fanny pack:** yes

 **loml:** TELL HIM TO RBING AN EXTTA JACKET BECAUSE EDS PLACE GETS COLD

 **fanny pack:** i’ll tell him when i see him tonight

 **#1 ling yao stan:** how come?

 **loml:** ed is a notorious jacket thief  
 **loml:** the first time i ever hung out with the three of them i took off my jacket when i went to the bathroom and came back and ed had stole it

 **uwu:** yea, brother hates admitting he’s small but even he can’t help but like that most peoples jackets drown him  
 **uwu:** he has been taking my jackets our whole life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like ed would catch feelings hard and fast but refuse to admit them whereas ling would take a while to actually develop feelings but once he knows he has them he would simply just ask the person out. also i might upload again here tomorrow and the first one shot as a little birthday gift for myself but idk, we'll see


	6. movie night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic neutral bi: none of the newbies have diet restrictions right
> 
> lego ninjago: i am a vegetarian   
> lego ninjago: ling is also lactose intolerant but he’ll eat anything so it doesn’t matter
> 
> chaotic neutral bi: because of course he does
> 
> \-----
> 
> uwu to edling supremacy 
> 
> uwu: just an update  
> uwu: ed just called back the pizza place and added a bunch of hot wings and chicken strips or whatever to the order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh,,,,, this chapter took a while but i put out the first one shot: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28759782
> 
> n e ways, there will be one shots about the movie night and ed and lings haikyuu binge, both from lings point of view but they won't be until after first day of school one shot. also might fuck around and do a teacher chat centric chapter soon

_**chaotic neutral bi** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**chaotic neutral bi:** are you fuckers on your way yet??

 **nyan cat:** no

 **chaotic good wlw:** shes kidding, we’ll bee there after we pick up some snacks

 **lawful evil enby:** bee 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝  
 **lawful evil enby:** ed and i ordered pizza 😎😎

 **chaotic neutral bi:** none of the newbies have diet restrictions right

 **lego ninjago:** i am a vegetarian   
**lego ninjago:** ling is also lactose intolerant but he’ll eat anything so it doesn’t matter

 **chaotic neutral bi:** because of course he does

\-----

_**uwu** to **edling supremacy**_

**uwu:** just an update  
 **uwu:** ed just called back the pizza place and added a bunch of hot wings and chicken strips or whatever to the order

 **loml:** FIJGKRSHERJLGKHJEKLFKER

 **gearhead:** whipped

 **fanny pack:** ling is also bring the extra jacket

\-----

_**lawful evil enby** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**lawful evil enby:** well, we got only cheese pizza because winry and paninya don’t eat meat a lot   
**lawful evil enby:** so you’re good lan fan

 **scissorhands:** i don’t have any but i’ll be there in like,,,,, 15 minutes

 **scissorhands:** i wasn’t in the chat when the movies were decided, which ones are we watching?????

 **chaotic neutral bi:** howls moving castle, princess mononoke, spirited away, valley of the wind, only yesterday, and arrietty

 **scisasorhands:** holy shit thats a lot

 **lawful evil enby:** yea, thats why y’all are getting here so early  
 **lawful evil enby:** it was five at first but ed got upset because howls moving castle wasn’t on the list, its his favorite and wanted ling to see it  
 **lawful evil enby:** hes also a filthy howl kinnie

 **chaotic neutral bi:** I AM NOT, FUCK OFF

 **chaotic good wlw:** when we were 12 ed gave himself a bob because he liked howls haircut  
 **chaotic good wlw:** he had me pierce his ears so he could wear ones like howl

 **chaotic neutral bi:** i’m disowning both of you

 **no face:** wait, were those the earrings you were wearing when we met??

 **chaotic neutral bi:** one of the pairs, yea

 **scissorhands:** ONE OF?????

 **chaotic good wlw:** oh yea, ed has a lot of piercings, he just doesn’t wear them at school

 **lawful evil enby:** he almost got his tongue pierced but the school year was starting soon so he didn’t

 **chaotic neutral bi:** yea, apparently its “unprofessional in the work place”   
**chaotic neutral bi:** its kind of a hate crime that i coudln’t

 **nyan cat:** yea, it sure fucking was  
 **nayn cat:** we were going to get matching tongue piercings as trans solidarity so now i have to wait too

 **scissorhands:** wait wait, you guys are trans???

 **chaotic neutral bi:** yea, problem???

 **scissorhands:** NO SO AM I FGRJEGHLSKERUHGLIS

 **nyan cat:** WAIT REALLY??  
 **nyan cat:** PLEASE HOLD

\-----

_**max caulfield** added **mei chang** to **days since cis nonsence: zero**_

_**max caulfield** to **days since cis nonsense: zero**_

**max caulfield:** welcome mei, to the trans solidarity groupchat

 **mei chang:** wait, who is everyone???

 **max caulfield:** i’m paninya, hinata shoyo is ed and nico di angelo is al  
 **max caulfield:** all of our names are our favorite trans headcanons  
 **max caulfield:** so you can change your name to whatever yours is

_**mei chang** changed **mei chang** 's name to **adora**_

**adora:** i don’t take any criticism 

**nico di angelo:** WAIT NO YOU’RE RIGHT5 GHJRTDGKS,JEKR  
 **nico di angelo:** I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE  
 **nico di angelo:** nico absolutely is nonbinary and uses he/they

 **hinata shoyo:** it do be the comfort character doe 😳😳

 **nico di angelo:** ed really looked at a character thats really short and went “kin ❤️”

 **hinata shoyo:** al found out that tiktok has changed the definition of what kinning is and won’t stop fucking bullying me because of it  
 **hinata shoyo:** hate crime

 **max caulfield:** winry said to go back to the normal groupchat because ling is asking a question 🙄🙄

 **hinata shoyo:** ig 🙄🙄

\----- 

_**no face** to **gay bastards anonymous**_

**no face:** wait, i’m gonna look up what they’re about  
 **no face:** or do you guys want me to just wait???

 **chaotic neutral bi:** wait, they’re more fun if you don’t know anything  
 **chaotic neutral bi:** the pizza just got here, how much longer until y’all are here

 **scissorhands:** i’m already here because i’m not lame like ling in (lan fan, winry, and paninya dni)

 **nyan cat:** winry is driving right now, we’re like five minutes away

 **no face:** i’m not the lame one here chang, showing up early makes you lame

 **scissorhands:** sure it does buddy 🙄🙄

 **no face:** not buddies   
**no face:** we’re also about five minutes away

 **chaotic neutral bi:** well hurry it up, i wanna watch these movies

\-----

_**uwu** to **edling supremacy**_

**uwu:** i hate gay people  
 **uwu:** ed already took lings extra jacket

 **#1 ling yao stan:** WHAT  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** THE MOVIES HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET

 **gearhead:** ed is a simple man  
 **gearhead:** he sees a stray jacket, he steals it

 **loml:** we should make sure they sit next to each other  
 **loml:** ed always sits on the two person couch/chair thing they have  
 **loml:** so lets fill up the other seats before ling can get there

 **gearhead:** i agree 😈😈  
 **gearhead:** everybody take your seats

\-----

_**loml** to **edling supremacy**_

**loml:** PLEASE THE LOOK ED GAVE AL WHEN HE DIDNT SIT WITH HIM

 **uwu:** suddenly very glad that i’m not gonna be home saturday and sunday 😊😊

 **#1 ling yao stan:** NO NOTHING TOPS THE LOOK WHEN LING JUST SAW THAT THATS THE ONLY SEAT LEFT  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** HE LOOKS SO BETRAYED, THIS IS SO FUNNYJTDILRGHWSBHTRS

\-----

_**absolute shithead** to **i hate gay people**_

**absolute shithead:** why is the only open seat with ed  
 **absolute shithead:** all he does is yell and be annoying  
 **absolute shithead:** i can see you both on your phones  
 **absolute shithead:** STOP IGNORING ME ASSHOLES

\-----

_**fanny pack** to **edling supremacy**_

**fanny pack:** ling is currently texting our seperate group chat with just him, mei, and i  
 **fanny pack:** he is not pleased

 **#1 ling yao stan:** sucks to be him ig 🙄🙄

 **uwu:** honestly, i dont think anything will happen until howl’s moving castle

 **#1 ling yao stan:** but that is,,,,, the last movie we’re watching

 **uwu:** yea, but its ed’s favroite and he could go on about it forever  
 **uwu:** he will probably talk with ling about it the whole time

 **gearhead:** yea, you’re about to see another side of ed, when it comes to things he really likes its like s switch flips and suddenly hes a different person

\-----

_**#1 ling yao stan** to **edling supremacy**_

**#1 ling yao stan:** BFDJNSLGBKJ ED IS LITERALLY MAKING US DO EVERYTHING BEFORE HOWLS MOVING CASTLE STARTS  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** BRUH STOP NO, TAHST SO FUNNY, HE LOOKS SO EXCITED

 **uwu:** prepare yourself, shits about to get real  
 **uwu:** also gotta go, if we interrupt the movie ed will kill us and i have to piss 🏃💨

\-----

_**fanny pack** to **edling supremacy**_

**fanny pack:** 👁👄👁  
 **fanny pack:** i-  
 **fanny pack:** i have no words, you weren’t kidding

 **#1 ling yao stan:** how the fuck am i supposed to take ed seriously in class, i just watched him lose his shit over the music in the movie so fucking hard that i cannot believe its real

 **uwu:** ling is literally 👁👄👁 right now

\-----

_**absolute shithead** to **i hate gay people**_

**absolute shithead:** okay okay  
 **absolute shithead:** this means nothing and if you guys tell anyone i said this i will kill you in your sleep  
 **absolute shithead:** ed was kinda cute when he was losing it over the soundtrack

 **queen:** another point for the gays ladies and gentleman

\-----

_**#1 ling yao stan** to **edling supremacy**_

**#1 ling yao stan:** he did not just

 **fanny pack:** i-  
 **fanny pack:** literally no words  
 **fanny pack:** he is literally clinging to lings arm in excitement and we’re only like 45 minutes in

 **uwu:** bruh okay i knew ed would lose it (as he always does with this shit) but damn  
 **uwu:** tomorrow when they watch haikyuu alone eds probably gonna be even more “embarrasing” as he will put it later

 **gearhead:** yea, hes probably holding back as much as he can because of how many of us are here

 **#1 ling yao stan:** WAIT HES NOT LOSING IT AS MUCH AS HE COULD RIGHT NOW?????

 **uwu:** nah, when ed likes things he really likes them  
 **uwu:** it be the adhd

 **fanny pack:** me 🤝 ed  
nd solidarity  
 **fanny pack:** suddenly his intense love for certain things makes sense

 **loml:** just wait until after the movie is over, ed is going to infodump every small piece of information he knows about the movie  
 **loml:** bruh it sucks that we won’t get to see what happens tomorrow and sunday 😔😔

 **uwu:** its okay, ed will probably tell me if i ask so i will relay it 😎😎

\-----

_**#1 ling yao stan** to **edling supremacy**_

**#1 ling yao stan:** wow he really does know a lot about howls moving castle  
 **#1 ling yao stan:** ling is deadass like ❤️👄❤️ right now while ed is talking

 **uwu:** now we’re probably only gonna listen to the soundtrack for the next month  
 **uwu:** thank god its a good one

 **fanny pack:** it is impressive how enthralled ling is right now  
 **fanny pack:** i guess we’ll have to wait and see what he tells us sunday after he goes home

 **gearhead:** wait why do we have to wait that long to figure out how its going??

 **fanny pack:** ling doesn’t really text if hes hanging out with someone

 **uwu:** i will just get brother to tell me

 **loml:** deadass, they better fall in love  
 **loml:** and they better speedrun that shit too

**Author's Note:**

> ling and lan fan are gonna be introduced next chapter. also, i might make one shots to go with scenes that aren't included because they aren't texting but idk, we'll have to see


End file.
